My Only True Vice Was Smoking

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If you know me well, you know these things about me…

  • I don’t drink
  • I don’t do drugs
  • I don’t gamble
  • I don’t swear
  • I don’t sleep around
  • I don’t even buy lottery tickets

My only true vice has been smoking cigarettes.
And now I don’t do that.

I have been without a cigarette for a whole week.

You may think that isn’t long enough for me to say that I have truly quit, but I think it’s a fair statement considering the circumstances.

How did I quit?

Our wonderful government decided to add a flame retardant to the cigarette papers, and I am allergic to it.

How nice of them.

I’m betting that more than 99% of  smokers have NOT caused any forest fires because if they had, there would be fires constantly burning ALL of the time all over this land and we would not be able to keep them down.

So, let’s insert an ingredient that is toxic and deadly to the smoker, so we can stop all of those non-existent fires. Some say the ingredient is a carpet glue. Others say it is sodium silicate, which can cause many reactions.

Whatever it is, it causes my lips to swell and tingle, and has taken all of the pleasure out of my 4 or 5 cigarettes a day.

I loved my cigarettes.
I loved smoking.
I miss it.

It has also burned a few holes in my coat. You see, I go outside to smoke and in the winter that means wearing your coat. This new fire safe cigarette just causes more ashes to burn off and float onto your clothing, leaving holes.

I can think of so many things that are so much more important than spending the research money and the time on fire proofing cigarettes… Let’s see, we have the homeless, the hungry, the drug addicts, those dying of cancer (including those with lung cancer who never smoked), the paralyzed from spinal cord injuries,  those dying with Multiple Sclerosis, Alzheimer’s and a plethora of other deadly diseases…

I don’t ask for much, but honestly, I do not understand these attacks on smokers! I don’t advocate allowing smokers to smoke just anywhere… I smoke(d) on my own property all by myself, not hurting another single soul.

I guess it will take another 20 to 30 years to realize that the true culprit of most forms of lung disease is in the air… put there by car fumes, industrial pollutants, etc.

Meanwhile,

Thank God our government decided to control all of those fires started by cigarette smokers.

Now I guess I’m almost perfect. 

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

© 2018 Sandra Cobb, SurvivingTheCircus.com

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6 Comments

  1. JL

    It's true…smokers have been demonized for years. I think it is so to keep our eyes off the ball 🙂

    Good job on quitting; I am working on it!

  2. Paul

    It is just another way for the government to take and spend money, and treat us all as if we are five years old. Here in NY, there is already a new tax on non-diet soda, to "help fight obesity" (yeah right). They will probably ban soda vending machines next to protect the obese children.

  3. Nomad

    Sometimes governments can get carried away in this anti-smoking crusade. http://nomadicjoe.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-do-tin-tin-and-mad-men-have-in.html

    In the end, it is a personal responsibility to manage our bodies. I quit smoking two years ago and I know it can be tough to give up smoking. There are some things to keep in mind when quitting.
    Don't quit unless you are determined. Quitting and going back will only serve to remind you how weak you are. So quit and don't look back.
    And as strong as the addiction may be, try to remember that when compared to the momentary pleasure of a smoke, it is nothing when you think about the years you will cut short of your life, the things you will never be able to see and do if you are dead. I could not think of one special moment I got from smoking.. but a lot of generalized satisfaction which is mostly in my head. 🙂 Good luck to you.
    By the way, I also found a amino acid which can cut the impulse and "need" for nicotine- harmless and cheap and sold in most vitamin shops or pharmacies. Check it out here: http://nomadicjoe.blogspot.com/2008/10/how-i-quit-smoking.html

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